Joy of Nothing: Week 4 Athens

At the end of week three I extended my stay two more weeks. Which made my former last week feel like a fresh start. I was beginning again from a place of knowing. I knew where to go for whatever I needed in the neighborhood. I knew the bus stops before they were called out. I knew the sidewalks of my regular routes, where to watch out, where to walk in the street. I wanted more time with this feeling of familiarity. 

I should have foreseen this feeling. On Remote Year we spent a month in each city and in most places a month wasn’t long enough. The first week was about navigating: finding the grocery store, the local spots, and coffee shops. Week two was about acclimating and trying to see as much of the city before the work day began. Week three was typically when I found my place within the song of the city, rolling along on the rhythm of daily life. I knew a month made sense logistically, but in most places I yearned for a little more time. 

Athens is the chance to fulfill my dream of six weeks in one city. I am not ready to go home. I want more time. More of the slow daily life I am living here. I am living in a dream world. A world without work. A world stripped of any urgency.  A world filled with time and freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. 

I recognize some people might assume that is my life at home. That as a single woman without children I do whatever I want, whenever I want. As any single person knows, you do everything yourself. No one to split chores with (I would love for someone else to take the trash out, just once, please!), no one to share the financial load with (I would welcome the opportunity to split the cost of living or even a hotel room), no one to troubleshoot tech with (I can’t play the luddite card. If I want it to work, I have to fix it). I don’t do whatever I want, whenever I want at home.

Do I sleep more than other people? Absolutely and with pleasure. Do I have more flexibility with my time? Yes. But am I doing whatever I want, whenever I want? No. That is the dream. I am living it now knowing full well we wake from dreams eventually. Obviously, part of the dream is not working. This is my first pause from work courtesy of my first layoff. Until now I have moved from one job to the next.  The pause is a gift. The other gift is being able to afford it. I recognize everyone could use a break and not everyone can afford one.  

I doubt I will get another pause until I retire so I plan to enjoy it as long as possible. If the last few years of dealing with chronic pain and instability in my body have taught me anything it’s that I don’t know what the future holds. I’ve also learned that aging with CP is a real question mark since most research and care is focused on the pediatric population. It’s different for each person and for me it’s been unpredictable. The uncertainty has shifted my focus to presence: be here and enjoy it. 

One thing I enjoy about my present moment is taking a break from tending to my body so faithfully. As I mentioned in Humble Quest, taking care of my body takes a considerable amount of time and money. My calendar has been wiped of any exercise schedule or maintenance appointments and it feels crazy to focus only on my stretch and strength routine  - which is non-negotiable for my daily mobility. Is it hurting my body to take a prolonged pause from my regular care, probably. But whatever negative impact it has on my body is outweighed by the positive psychological benefit of taking a much needed hiatus. 

The last four years have been really difficult. My body has changed a lot during this time and so have my needs. As I navigate an aging, disabled, body it feels like I am on a hamster wheel of wellness, trying anything to get better and not really getting anywhere. I am exhausted. As Johnny memorably defends Penny in Dirty Dancing, “She’s taking a break. She needs a break.” 

I am taking a break and loving every minute. The daily life I live in Athens is a freedom I have never known. It’s why I want to stay longer. I revel in the freedom from routine. No alarm. No schedule. Nothing but white space. 

I let my body take as much sleep as it needs every day, not just on the weekend. I had a lightbulb moment after I climbed the Acropolis (Best of Me). I slept for 12 hours that night. Half of a day. It made me wonder if my need for more sleep is tied to my disability. The climb was difficult, yes. But it didn’t wipe me out.  Which made me wonder if my baseline is simply different because my body has to work harder to get through the day whether or not I’m climbing ancient ruins. It’s the first time I’ve connected the two things and I’m curious to find out if there’s any correlation. 

I extended my time not to see more but to do less. To experience the joy of nothing. I let each day unfold organically and it’s some kind of magic to focus on pleasure instead of productivity. I enjoy learning a new language (Schoolin’ Life). It engages my senses in new and different ways. I love seeing my brain in action committing words to memory. I love this new voice finding her way around words that feel different in my mouth. It’s exciting to hear the difference when I nail the pronunciation. I have the time to enjoy learning, a gift I haven’t experienced in awhile. 

Perhaps one of the sweetest gifts Athens has given me is the freedom to write whenever the creative spirit calls, which is so often, it would hit favorite status in my call log. Athina stoked my creativity from the beginning. When I was struggling with jetlag and insomnia in my first week, I would write in bed, dropping my thoughts into my lap(top) with the fluidity of water. Typing until the well ran dry. 

Creativity ebbs and flows like the sun. Sometimes it’s dark as night and sometimes the light is so bright you have to draw the shade. Right now the light is brilliant and I bask in the warmth of its glow. I have changed the way I write here because I feel like I can’t write fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. I write an initial draft to gather my thoughts and then one revision later it goes live. No overthinking. No polishing draft after draft until I hit publish. The focus is on capturing a feeling, not a flawless piece.

It’s not just my writing that has relaxed here. My entire being: mind, body, and spirit has eased. Because I’m actually on holiday. Not a vacation: a full blown holiday. My use of that word is not some Madonna-like British affectation. It’s quite literal (like me and my love of words). Holiday meaning a time or period of exemption from any requirement, duty, assessment, etc.  Vacations are great, make no mistake. Yet there’s a pull to do certain things or see famous landmarks. A holiday has no itinerary, no to-dos, and I feel the difference. 

An Ohana commented that she loved seeing me “do me.” I told her that it has never felt this good and I meant it. Part of it comes from the freedom to simply be. Part of it comes from having the time and space “to hear myself again,” as my bestie so beautifully put it. A large part of it comes from relishing in my own company.  

I am alone, not lonely, and loving it. Being alone is not new. Being alone abroad this long is. In my 15 years of solo travel, 10 days was my longest stay previously. Sometime between weeks three and four I put my finger on how I was feeling: invincible. Isn’t it funny that it took doing nothing to feel like I can do anything?

#SlowLifestyle #Holiday #DisabledFemaleSoloTravel #DisabledSoloTravel #DisabilityAwareness #CerebralPalsyAwareness #DisabilityPride #Athens #Kypseli #Greece #JoyOfNothing #FoyVance